hello...hello...is this thing on...?

it's been some big number of days since I've updated. I think I'm done with journaling in general. I never write in my (totally awesome) paper journal anymore, and I barely read anyone else's journals. The rush of year-end recapping and new-year projecting was underwhelming, not because I think I'm the coolest and everyone else a booger-eating jerk, but because I've been too busy doing stuff. Last year and this year seem, gasp, like one and the same - time. I still go to work, I'm still stacked with tasks there. I still have writing to do. My family was all over the place like a bug ingestation (that's right) for the holidays; a tree even popped up in my living room to completely bewilder my poor cat. Horrible but true story: I was cooking with my mom in the kitchen (duh), and I opened the silverware drawer and saw a roach in the spoon-part of the tray. I quickly got what I needed and closed the drawer with a bang in the hopes that the critter would skitter away. A moment later my mom was like, "oh, I need a fork" or something and reached for the drawer. It took all I had not to yelp, "I'll get that!" and push her out of the way but instead I acted nonchalant but totally stared at the drawer as it slowly opened....and she reached her hand in...and nothing was there. Phew. Close one. My mom would have canceled Christmas eve dinner, seriously, if some roach had jumped on her hand while she was reaching for a utensil. We would have gone to the pizza place on the corner. Where they probably have more roaches than anyone else in the world. Plus rats.

I made a resolution for 2006, which I'm not sharing with anyone for fear that I will fail. I did a bunch of stuff last year. 2005 seems like it was a pretty difficult year world-wide; struggles abounded. All told the year put me in the positive, though for me new year's eve was glum and new year's day quiet and even glummer. It's one of those days where you just look at yourself, and your life, and there's nothing anyone else can do about it. But - and I hate to tempt fates here - I'm happy. I'm working at an ok job, I'm in school, I'm writing. I'm gonna get married this year, to a boy I have loved since 1995. Still, in 2005 my brother went to war, and that's no joke. It's not like 1984 anymore, where Eurasia is always warring with Oceania in some far-off, never-seen land; he went there, he is connected to me, he could have died. Many people already have.

i'm going now to finish cooking some shrimps and rice for dinner.